I had 24 hours left. 24 miles in with 24 hours left. The thought of every thing I had been thru so far and knowing that I had a whole day left was...staggering to me. It was hard for me to conceive...it really was. You can see on the last part of this video..I'm just walking. My face starts to tell it all. Thinking of what I had left scared me...for those few seconds I was no longer in the moment. The future, time..things that don't truly exist started creeping in my head. Ego lives in Time...so all the negative thoughts started rushing to my head.
The only thing I could think of was NO.
No...i'm not quitting..No I'm not giving up...No I'm not worried about tomorrow....No I'm not even worried about now...I'm living NOW. That was the only thing I could tell myself....and when I stopped the chatter...."let's go.." All that happened in like 30 seconds in my mind.
I no longer recognized myself at this point. Anything that I thought of myself...anything that wasn't strong enough to actually be true, was gone from me now. This run in general was striping me down.
So many layers of me that I thought was true were just vanishing with every mile..with every step...because now, especially now every step hurt like hell.
The only thing left of me my was my will. That's all I could recognize. Everything else was gone. I was just a man running and I was ok with that.
On this run I remember seeing my fiance on my route this day. She was wearing all white..saw me running a started smiling. That shit made me so happy to see her face. Even though I saw it everyday before and after every run..that was my first time seeing her while out.
Of course I tried to run all strong and smooth and shit....lol..still trying to impress after all this time, but she knew I was hurting...but hell, I felt like the man when I was ran up on her and gave her a quick kiss and kept going lol.
Her support thru all of this was amazing.
I had a lot of energy this run. Like I finally caught my second wind. It was crazy because the more I ran the better I felt, this run at least. I was back in the moment and the moment is always the best place to be.
I finished my 4 miles 7 minutes faster than any other day.