I was tired that day. When I started my live video on Instagram that morning you can see it in my face. I was still focused but I was tired. I didn't want to motivate or inspire anyone I wanted to keep that energy for myself. I was staring to do what I normally do when I get REALLY focused and that's shut people out. Not care about anyone or anything except what I'm trying to do. I mean it's cool sometimes but really I needed to stop doing that. It's cool at first but it starts to become counterproductive in the long run. It's like your accomplishments are cool and amazing and all that...they set you apart from others right....cool feeling and all that.......but the way I do it..did it..was I choose to achieve my accomplishments on my own 100% on me win or lose. BUT, when I do it that way...I come back and try to share my accomplishments with the very same people I shut out while going thru the process. I mean they "say good for you" or "that's awesome"..honestly, what more could I really expect? They have no invested interest or emotional attachment to whatever it is I did because I didn't allow them to. In the long run my accomplishment end up making me more and more un-relatable.
I thought about all this as I shrugged my shoulders in the video. Just going back into autopilot, an old habit was about to take place but then a friend of mine joined my live. My guy Dizzy Watts. Man this guy has a sincere soul. I could feel his energy thru the phone, the positivity, the encouragement, the appreciation........for me sharing. For giving the opportunity for him and others to be involved...emotionally invested, emotionally involved even if it was just casually. Man, that little exchange we had gave me so much life. Life beyond the run...it helped me take autopilot off and get by in the driver's seat of something that I was always uncomfortable doing. Sharing the process.
He said "...self love starts off camera." What a profound but simple statement.
I never told him how much a few sentences exchanged really changed my mind frame that morning and how it has inspired me to stay in the driver's seat.
I wasn't gonna say..."thanks for talking to me on IG" that woulda been weird..lol. But hopefully the homie reads this, if so, thanks for talking to me on IG that day bro. I needed it.
The run was dope because I realized that I wasn't sharing for yall...I was sharing for me. Sharing my process was helping me grow. It was helping me grow into I always wanted to be....Me.